Jokes for the Road
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? el-if-i-no
What goes zub, zub?
A bee flying backwards.
Why is the bee happy?
because he found his honey!
This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing: 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. You can put them with my two male talking parrots. I taught them to read the bible and pray the rosary."
The lady brings over her parrots and puts them in the priest's cage. "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" they say.
One male parrot looks over at the other and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
Why did the chicken cross the road according to following individuals...?
Kindergarten Teacher: To get to the other side.
Pat Buchanan (a politician): To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2001, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Martin Luther King Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
Plato: For the greater good.
The Pope: That is only for God to know.
Ronald Reagan: I forget.
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
Homer Simpson: Mmmmmm. Chicken.
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